Reading relationship state

A working vocabulary for the movement that sits beneath visible activity — need, expectation, trust, relevance and willingness to continue.

Why a framework

Most digital systems react to visible events: a purchase, a decline, a missed session, a complaint, a period of inactivity. But by the time the event becomes obvious, the underlying relationship may have been changing for some time. A framework gives teams language for the change before the event.

The dimensions

We are developing a small set of dimensions that, together, describe the state of a relationship rather than a single moment in it.

  • Need — what the person is actually trying to do right now.
  • Expectation — what they have come to assume the experience will do.
  • Trust — how much benefit of the doubt they currently extend.
  • Relevance — how well the experience still fits their situation.
  • Willingness to continue — whether the relationship is strengthening or quietly ending.

What it is not

It is not an attempt to reduce a person to a score or to predict every decision. It is a way to be more careful about difference and change — including an honest account of the limits of what an organisation can know.


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